I’m making myself update everyone because I have so many sweet people who have been praying for me and this blogaroo is the only way people know what’s going on! Well, it’s been 3 weeks since the surgery and there are many things to tell you so let the long winded details begin…
I tried to make a video to put on here but my camera man is 5 years old and really enjoyed videotaping himself. Then I tried to let my 3 year old do the taping. Learned a valuable lesson today…. a 5 and 3 year old arent good at videotaping. Will try that again tomorrow……
Met with nuclear medicane last week. From June 10th until June 24th I will be off medication and on a special diet until my thyroid levels get where they want them. The ideal thyroid level for a healthy person is between 1 and 3. The doctors want my levels at least to 30. The goal is to make my body severely hypothyroid. Translated: I’m going to be EXHAUSTED and get fat really fast. Joe continues to tell me, if I gain 30 pounds in 2 weeks, have a gash on my neck, wake up exhausted and irritable each day, I will still “be beautiful to him.” I’m sure he’ll want a family portrait done and everything……. to show me off. Maybe we’ll go ahead and get our Christmas cards made too.
I have never been one to worry. But I have found myself continually appologizing to the Lord for being fearful and dwelling on scary thoughts. The mind is a powerful thing and if you start thinking about things you shouldn’t, you will turn into a crazy person.
I have seen my humanity like no other time in my life. I realize in a deeper way that God is not only the author of life, He is the sustainer. Some of the physical things I went through the week following surgery shook me to the core. I have no idea what people cling to that don’t have Christ. I’m telling you, He has been my FATHER. I have been a little girl in her daddy’s arms. The verses I’ve taught my kids about fear when they are scared in their bed at night are the same verses that have brought me comfort in my bed in the middle of the night.
I think I said this already, but I have seen my sin so deeply through this. This trial has caused me to see my sin and my need for his forgiveness. I fall short of being like Christ in new ways that I havent known before. God’s forgiveness is a HUGE part of the gospel that has been working it’s way out in my heart lately.
I was trying to talk to the kids about this as we were driving this morning. God doesnt love us more if we obey Him. We dont earn His love. He may give us consequences for continual sin in our lives but His love isn’t deeper for us if we obey more. We cant earn His love. He loves me when I am fearful just as He loves me when I am trusting. The sin is what He died for. It’s not the basis of His love for me. I told Joe today I want to study the doctrine of forgiveness because I have a hard time understanding how these 2 thoughts go together: 1. If you love God, you will obey God. 2. God doesn’t love you for obeying Him…… These 2 truths are taught in Scripture. I have taught my kids constantly the first one. Our love for God is demonstated through our obedience to Him. But I have not understood the second part deep enough to teach. God’s love for me is not based on my obedience to Him…… something I’m wanting to study more.
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