Dear Silas
Today I took your pacifier away. I read online that a good way to do this is to cut the top off and then tell you that your paci broke. I didn’t know what you would do but it sounded like a good idea. That way you could still have it if you wanted it and not get mad at me for keeping it from you. So I did this and brought it to you this morning. I brought it to you and said “Silas come look, your paci broke.” You walked over and immediately got a big poochy lip. You looked at it for awhile and kept saying “Bo Bo BO” I think you were trying to say broke…. anyways, I thought you would scream and cry all day but you havent cried ONCE!! For 1 year every time you have laid in your bed, you have had your paci and I took it today and you havent cried????? When I laid you down for nap today you just looked sad. I was prepared for you not to sleep today and just scream for 2 hours but you didnt cry ONCE. I came in after 20 minutes of silence and you were laying in your bed staring at the ceiling in the same position I left you. I feel so bad for you. You just seem SAD. Then again tonight you just laid down sad. But I want to thank you.
It was 1 year ago tomorrow I found out I had cancer and one of my first concerns was you. You were my BABY and the doctor said I needed to quit nursing you that day to prepare for surgery. So the paci was part of God’s plan for you and GOd is graciously helping you today. It may seem small to you, but it is an unexpectly blessing from HIM to me today. The Lord took care of you when I couldn’t this past year. I’m reminded today that He loves you more than even I do. You are loved my little man~ mom
I just finished writing this and now you are in your bed crying…. should I erase this since you are crying now??? I guess you just popped out of your depression
I’m writing more to you buddy. It is day two of no paci. Last night you cried for maybe 10 minutes and then fell asleep and no crying today. Praise the Lord, that was way easier than I was expecting!
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