I found out Friday I am pregnant. There are so many details so let me just write them all down and then share my heart.
Friday I went in for my pre op appointment. It was a morning filled with blood tests, an EKG, and a pregnancy test. As the pregnancy test was sitting before me I just thought oh man, what am I gonna do if I’m pregnant. As I tried to pray about it, I couldn’t really get any words out, just the thought of what would I do, what would people think, how would that work…. there’s no way. there’s just no way. For a few weeks I had been getting really dizzy when I stood up and nauseous; no food looked good either. I finished the tests and came home. The nurse told me I could wait a few minutes to get the results of the pregnancy test but I didn’t. I went home and as the day continued I became more and more nauseous. I had only had 1 period since Silas, so I thought there is no way I could be pregnant. (I hate sharing these details but in sharing them, I pray the end result is that you will see God in this instead of me)…… back to the story.
Now it’s 2:00 p.m. The kids were taking their afternoon nap and we were supposed to have the worst winter storm they had had here in 10 years. Joe asked me if I wanted him to go to the store for anything before we were snowed in. The list included 1 thing, a pregnancy test. No batteries, no water; nothing just a test. So he went the one place the tests are known for being extrememly accurate, The Dollar Tree. He brought it home, I took it, and faster than I could say 5 kids under 5… oh shoot. The line turned RED. Pretty soon after that I got a confirmation call from the surgeons office. In this moment, all I could do was laugh. I’ve had a nervous laugh since I was a kid. I used to laugh when I was about to get spanked by my arabic father. Trust me, there was nothing funny about those spankings, but that’s how I respond to fear, laughter…. and here it came again. I couldn’t believe I had become pregnant in one month. Joe couldn’t either. He keeps telling me I could kiss your shoulder and you would get pregnant.
Joe and I talked for a few hours then I realized it was 4:00 Friday afternoon, I needed to call the surgeons office. Isn’t that when everything seems to happen? Friday at 4:00…. there was no answer, so I left a message. Sunday afternoon my surgeon called me and was very reassuring. He told me he was going to meet with a group of surgeons on Thursday to discuss what they all thought was the best thing to do in this situation. He asked my opinion and I told him that the baby is just as important to me as the 4 I already have and my biggest concern is the life of this child. I do not want to do anything that will endanger or harm my baby. The surgeon then told me, he had only operated on a handful of patients who were pregnant in his career. He seemed to be very catious on doing surgery on pregnant women, I am very thankful for this. I received a phone call from the office today and the doctor said each surgeon in the practice agreed to monitor the size of the cancer. If it does not grow, they feel the safest option is to wait until after the baby is born to do the surgery. I go in for an ultrasound on my neck at the beginning of the second trimester. As long as the cancer hasnt grown, the surgery will be shortly after I have the baby. I have an appointment with the pregnancy doctor on Feb 12th to see how far along I am. I think I’m about 2 months right now.
Before I found out I was pregnant, Joe’s dad told me something, that has stuck with me. He said God has the keys to 3 things that he will not share with another. The weather, the womb, and the worst (death). God has the key to my womb. He has put a lot of babies in there over they years, but the key is His. The Lord put this baby in me. The Lord put this cancer in me. Both are from HIM. Right???? RIGHT!!! This is where I am trying to keep my mind. The cancer is from Him, the baby is from Him. His perfect will for me is to walk through this. The hardest part for me is I get really really really sick during the first trimester. The next 6 weeks of my life seem overwhelming to me right now. I have to take it one day at a time, or I will fall apart. I have spent a lot of time in the Psalms over the past week and it has been food for my soul. The prayers of David have flown off my lips as if they were my own. I’m so thankful for the WORD right now! Pray for me as I have been throwing up a lot and just need to keep anything down I can right now. Joe has been awesome in this, but please pray for him too. What husband enjoys a wife who is throwing up and crying for 6 weeks. I pray God would strengthen Joe right now as I am weak. Pray I would rejoice in each day and stay positive. Right now I’m typing this while I’m laying on Joe’s shoulder. He’s watching all the kids so I can rest. He’s only human though and it’s a lot on him, please pray for both of us right now.
we are excited about the baby. That was one of the saddest things to me about the cancer; it was going to be a few years until I could have a baby. I told Joe if this baby is a girl, she’s getting the name Faith somewhere in her name. This is going to be a journey of faith for all of us. It seems like the story keeps changing every day. If I keep my eyes on Christ, I can do this. If I take my eyes off Him, I will crumble… fast. Listen to this song, every word. My favorite line is may the treasure of the trial form within me as I go. Please pray for our family for the next 6 weeks. I am really bad at being pregnant in the first trimester. I cry and throw up a lot. That’s so depressing to write but it’s true. Thanks again for praying for us. I love all of you. thanks for the encouraging words and praying for us~ sabrina
Chorus 1 May this journey bring a blessing May I rise on wings of faith And at the end of my heart’s testing With Your likeness let me wake
Verse Jesus draw me ever nearer As I labor thro’ the storm You have called me to this passage And I’ll follow tho’ I’m worn
Verse 2 Jesus guide me thro’ the tempest Keep my spirit staid and sure When the midnight meets the morning Let me love You even more
Chorus 2 May this journey be a blessing May I rise on wings of faith And at the end of my heart’s testing With Your likeness let me wake
Verse 3 Let the treasures of the trial Form within me as I go And at the end of this long passage Let me leave them at Your throne
Ending Jesus draw me ever nearer Jesus draw me ever nearer Jesus draw me ever nearer to You
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